I felt this so hard in the early years of parenting, though it has eased, both because the demand of the kids lessened and our loads re-balanced. But I remember this feeling so well, and knowing that my work (writing) demanded open time. I thought of myself of a scuba diver, I needed to drop down a thousand times to find anything. I had to tell myself that just because I needed to carve out the time for 1000X creative descents didn't mean I should give up, it just meant I needed to stay with it even when my carved creative time felt wasteful (walks! so many walks!). It is hard to guard time that looks unproductive, and so, so vital.
I love the metaphor of the "depths" here... I think this is soooo helpful (rather than just looking for lengths of time...) going to hold onto this during this season... thank you xx
My version of "i need a wife" is "i need to clone myself". One of me would go to work and the other me would stay home and see to the cleaning and cooking, done to my standards 😂
Well if you think about it, it's really funny how we'd rather have another one of ourselves (a wife) rather than another one of our husbands. It says a lot about the state of marriages everywhere. I'd rather have my mom live with me than my dad, because I know my dad would be another burden for me whereas my mom would actually lighten my burden. I have to do more to keep my dad entertained whereas i can trust my mom to keep herself occupied and also help me out at home.
I loved this so much and related so much but sadly hate that this is your life now. The world just doesn’t work. Marriage just doesn’t work. What are we to do, except get divorced which I have already done and highly recommend if you can do without your husband but sadly many women still love theirs 😀
I am consistently bemoaning my lack of a wife to my husband -- and we both work from home and work hard at sharing the household/parenting/life stuff! The other day he looked at me and said 'honey, I am so sorry we're middle class.' But what would I buy with enough money to find more space, time, and freedom? I would basically buy a wife. I've earned a wife! You've earned a wife! We all deserve a wife!
My mom had a friend who used to say something like, "everyone needs a wife, a secretary and a chef." I don't know how that would work, exactly, but I think I maybe just solved the economy??
A few years ago I met a colleague for the first time and asked how her international move had gone. “I’m pretty lucky, my wife moved here a week ahead of me and got started on moving us in.” I sighed and told her I wish I had one of those
And what a service! It's not just drudgery I would like my "wife" to accomplish, but for the space to give each other more kindness and care! Right?? xx
I definitely thought I created this “I need a wife” concept, so I appreciate the solidarity as well as this experience you have shared. Glad you got to have a wife for a little while! Thanks for this piece, as well as for providing education and context for this concept.
I felt this so hard in the early years of parenting, though it has eased, both because the demand of the kids lessened and our loads re-balanced. But I remember this feeling so well, and knowing that my work (writing) demanded open time. I thought of myself of a scuba diver, I needed to drop down a thousand times to find anything. I had to tell myself that just because I needed to carve out the time for 1000X creative descents didn't mean I should give up, it just meant I needed to stay with it even when my carved creative time felt wasteful (walks! so many walks!). It is hard to guard time that looks unproductive, and so, so vital.
I love the metaphor of the "depths" here... I think this is soooo helpful (rather than just looking for lengths of time...) going to hold onto this during this season... thank you xx
This is why it cannot all be done in short bursts (or at least, for me it can’t), deep dives take time.
My version of "i need a wife" is "i need to clone myself". One of me would go to work and the other me would stay home and see to the cleaning and cooking, done to my standards 😂
This is a good solution. My only concern would be that the clone would get jealous and murder me in my sleep! Or just make me do the dishes...lollll
Well if you think about it, it's really funny how we'd rather have another one of ourselves (a wife) rather than another one of our husbands. It says a lot about the state of marriages everywhere. I'd rather have my mom live with me than my dad, because I know my dad would be another burden for me whereas my mom would actually lighten my burden. I have to do more to keep my dad entertained whereas i can trust my mom to keep herself occupied and also help me out at home.
I loved this so much and related so much but sadly hate that this is your life now. The world just doesn’t work. Marriage just doesn’t work. What are we to do, except get divorced which I have already done and highly recommend if you can do without your husband but sadly many women still love theirs 😀
Thank you, Cindy! It's just bananas. I knew that but now I really KNOW it. Ugh!!!
I am consistently bemoaning my lack of a wife to my husband -- and we both work from home and work hard at sharing the household/parenting/life stuff! The other day he looked at me and said 'honey, I am so sorry we're middle class.' But what would I buy with enough money to find more space, time, and freedom? I would basically buy a wife. I've earned a wife! You've earned a wife! We all deserve a wife!
My mom had a friend who used to say something like, "everyone needs a wife, a secretary and a chef." I don't know how that would work, exactly, but I think I maybe just solved the economy??
I always say I want a wife! As a society we are just not set up for two working parents and a well functioning home life. It’s just so hard.
Correct. Solidarity, neighbor ❤️❤️❤️
A few years ago I met a colleague for the first time and asked how her international move had gone. “I’m pretty lucky, my wife moved here a week ahead of me and got started on moving us in.” I sighed and told her I wish I had one of those
And what a service! It's not just drudgery I would like my "wife" to accomplish, but for the space to give each other more kindness and care! Right?? xx
My dude was living the dream
I definitely thought I created this “I need a wife” concept, so I appreciate the solidarity as well as this experience you have shared. Glad you got to have a wife for a little while! Thanks for this piece, as well as for providing education and context for this concept.
Thanks, Amy!!